Ep. 169: The Fear of “Bugging” Donors (and What It’s Really Costing You)
EPISODE 169
The Fear of “Bugging” Donors (and What It’s Really Costing You)
About the Episode:
If you’ve ever hesitated to hit send, make the call, or follow up because you didn’t want to “bug” your donors, this episode is for you.
That fear isn’t really about your donors, it’s about you. It’s your ego trying to keep you safe from rejection, discomfort, or embarrassment. But every time you let that fear win, you lose more than a donation. You lose momentum, trust, and connection. In this episode, I share how I coach fundraisers to move from me mode to mission mode. Because when you stop performing and start leading, everything changes. You’ll learn how to reframe rejection, build confidence, and lead with courage instead of apology. Your donors aren’t tired of hearing from you; they’ve just stopped hearing you. Generosity doesn’t happen in silence, it happens because you asked.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
The real reason fundraisers fear “bugging” donors (and what it costs your mission)
How ego and self-protection masquerade as “strategy”
Moving from “me mode” to “mission mode” in your fundraising approach
Why consistency builds donor trust and silence erodes it
The mindset and language shift from apologetic to confident asking
It’s not your stories—it’s how you’re telling them. If your amazing work isn’t getting the attention (and donations) it deserves, it’s time for a messaging shift. The Brave Fundraiser’s Guide guide gives you 10 done-for-you donor prompts to make your message impossible to ignore. Get it for free here! https://christinaedwards.krtra.com/t/xKuLs6tOiPZa
Christina’s Favorite Takeaways:
“You're not protecting your donors when you hold back, you're actually protecting your own ego.”
“People who care about your mission want to hear from you.”
“You're not annoying your donors by asking. You're reminding them that they matter.”
“Fundraising isn't about how you're perceived; it's about what's possible for the people you serve. When you step out of me mode and into mission mode, everything shifts.”
“You can handle hearing no however old you are.”
“The more no's you hear, the better you get at asking and more money you make for your organization.”
“It is not about stringing together the perfect 10 words that result in $100,000 gift. It is about having that confidence for forward momentum, to keep going, to keep asking; that is what magnetically attracts more funding.”
“Confident energy makes donors lean in and take action, makes them feel like they're part of a movement, makes them feel like their gift is creating actual change in the communities they're most aligned with.”
“Consistency builds trust.”
“If your communication is clear and rooted in purpose, people don't tune out - they lean in.”
“Donors forget you, not because you asked too often, but because you didn't stay present enough.”
FREE Resources from Splendid Consulting:
How to Work with Christina and Splendid Consulting:
Double Your Donations - Raise More From Your Laptop Without Chasing Grants or Galas
Easy Emails For Impact™ - Turn Your Inbox into an Income Stream
Donations on Demand: Build a $5K Email Campaign System in 30 min/week
The SPRINT Method™ - Fundraise Like a Pro, 5 Figures At a Time
Connect with Christina and Splendid Consulting:
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Christina Edwards 0:22If you've ever thought I don't want to annoy my donors, I don't want to reach out again. I don't want to bug them. This episode is for you, because that fear is the one that stops you from sending the follow up, making the call and asking again. It actually isn't about your donor. It's about you. So when you shift from worrying about people, what people will think, to focusing on why they give and who they're helping. The entire strategy for your fundraising changes you stop performing and you start leading. Now, earlier today, I was listening to Amy poehler's New ish podcast. It's called good hang and it's pretty funny, and she had her very, very good friend on comedian improv like Master Rachel Dratch, and they were on SNL at the same time together, and they were sort of just yucking it up, remembering the good old days and talking about like, how Rachel came up with the Debbie Downer skit. And if you haven't watched the original Debbie Downer skit, you have to watch it. It is you'll be in tears. It is so so funny. It's one of those magical SNL moments where no one can keep it together. Everyone's breaking out of character, and like trying to hold back the laughter, the tears and deliver the lines. And it's so funny. But the premise of that character is that, like everyone's at Disneyland, they're having this amazing time, and there's this one person like that, can't help but be a downer. And so the camera always kind of zooms in and cuts to her, and she's just thinking of like the worst case scenario. So as I was preparing notes for this today, I was thinking about how our brains, every one of our brains, has an inner to be downer, and that's why it's relatable. That's why I think that everybody kind of knows the person who's just, you know, everybody's having a great time, and somebody just keeps taking it negative, right? Because our brains also do that too. And when it comes to fundraising, the protection component of our brain of just like not wanting to feel rejected, not wanting to feel uncomfortable or scared ends up being that kind of inner Debbie downer, so we're going to talk about some strategies today so you can work with her and not against her, and raise more this year end.
Christina Edwards 3:17
So let's first get into like, what is this cycle? What is this cycle of that fear of bugging donors, that fear of annoying donors? What does it look like, and why does it exist in the first place? Because you're not protecting your donors when you hold back, you're actually protecting your own ego. And if that's not a word you're comfortable with, I'm kind of going to switch around words today just to find the one that fits for you. But the truth is, like everybody has their ego, like everybody has, like, an ego self, everybody has a shadow self. We might even use that today. It's just the part of us that's just doesn't want to it's very it's very narcissistic, and it's thinking about us, right? And so it doesn't want to feel that rejection, it doesn't want to feel uncomfortable, it doesn't want to feel like it want to feel like it screwed up, it made a mistake, right? So you tell yourself you're being polite and strategic by holding off on that follow up, by holding off on asking a donor that generously gave $10,000 already to give again this year. I know groundbreaking, right? But what's underneath that? It sounds like strategy, but really it's just a bunch of coping mechanisms. It's fear, it's just fear of rejection, it's just fear of judgment, it's fear of being too much. But the truth is that people who care about your mission want to hear from you. I'm going to say that again, people who care about your mission want to hear from you. They signed up to hear from you. They actively donate because they care about your mission. They've leaned in. They're raising their hand, right? They want an opening to do something meaningful. That's why they've taken action in the first place. That's why they continue to take action. You're not annoying them by asking. You're reminding them that. They matter.
Christina Edwards 5:06
So, why do fundraisers get stuck in the fear or the me brain trap, right? So the me brain again is taking you completely out of the benefits for the communities the people you serve, right? The benefits for the donor and their own giving goals, their own generosity and philanthropic goals, their own goals to want to see the world in a better place than it currently is, right? And instead, all you're thinking about is the me brain, right? So when that hesitation kicks in, you're in me mode. What if they don't like me? What if I ask at the wrong time? What if I offend them? What if they think I'm annoying? What if I screw up? What if I say the wrong things? What if I trip over my words which they don't answer? What if they do answer right? That is just your ego trying to stay safe. Do you see that it's actually easier on your ego, on that shadow self, on that Debbie Downer self, to take do nothing, to take no action, because all of those fears that I just outlined don't have to come into fruition, right? If you do nothing, then she is safe and sound, right? She doesn't have to worry about feeling rejected or screwing it up, or saying the wrong thing or leaving a message when they and not having the perfect script to say, right? Instead, she's just like, oh, it's strategy. I'll follow up them in q1 you with me. But fundraising isn't about how you're perceived. It's about what's possible for the people you serve. So when you step out of me mode and into mission mode, everything shifts. You realize you're not the end game. You're the vehicle. I tell my clients this all the time, you're the vessel. You're the vehicle to the impact. You're not taking that $10,000 and having a wild weekend in Vegas, right? You're using that $10,000 to the to help the communities you serve, to help the people who are waiting for your program or service. They're not giving this money to you personally.
Christina Edwards 7:21
They're giving because they care about impact. They're giving because they care about impact. And it's really important to write down some prompts when you're stuck in me brain, right when you're stuck in that me mode, and remind yourself I'm the vessel. I am the vehicle. It ain't about me.
So here's what the fear of annoying donors, the fear of asking people again. And this is true, if you're an emerging organization, and you're like, you know, I feel like I'm asking my friends and family too much. I feel like, you know, if you're an established organization, you're like, I'm kind of going to the same major donors again and again and again, or I'm going to our, you know, monthly donors, and I just, I just have this fear that we're just bugging them, right? And they what if they hate us, right? So that, what does that look like in real life? Like? What does that tactically look like day to day, week to week? You rehearse a call in your head 10 times, but you never dial. You wait to follow up after an event because they're probably too busy. You literally look at a calendar and make excuses for them. Oh, they're probably traveling. It's August. Oh, the holidays are coming. They're probably really busy. I'll wait until insert future date. Kick the can right. Kick the can. You soften your language. This is a huge one. This is a sneaky one. You softened your language so much that your ask disappears. They don't even realize you really ask, because you buried it so low in the conversation, in the email, in the voicemail, in the text message. It's just like was there even an ask in there, right? You create more reasons not to ask than to ask some of y'all do this. You fight for the reasons not to do something than the reasons to do something. Again, it's just me brain. It's just Debbie Downer taking that driver's seat and just running with it, versus that calm, confident self that is the vehicle, that is the vessel that is like we can do this. And by the way, you can handle Hearing no like however old you are, if you're 25 if you're 45 if you're 105 you've heard no before. You have heard no before, like it didn't kill you. It's okay. And I would argue, the more no's you hear, the better you get at asking, the more no's you hear, the more money you make for your organization, for yourself, for the communities you serve. The two are like, interconnected, so no isn't a problem when a donor is like, Not today, not able to make another gift, that just means you're in the arena, right? And that's the. Beginning of the conversation.
Christina Edwards 10:22
So what should you do instead? What should you do when you're like, Yeah, we're leading into what I know is a very important time of year for fundraising. And also I feel scared. And also it does feel legitimate that maybe I'm asking too much, or people will be annoyed, or I really have a lot of those, those concerns, and they feel really valid and really real. So I want you to think about what would it look like to shift into confident partner based asking. You can feel the difference between hesitant, asking, like I've already outlined, and confident, asking, courageous, asking, brave, asking, choose the word that kind of most, most aligns with who you want to be hesitant. Asking sounds like, sorry to bother you, Sorry to bug you. Oh, would you? Would you mind? I'm doing, like, if you're listening and not watching me, I'm doing kind of like that backup gesture with my hands, like, Sorry to bug you. Your shoulders, kind of shrug. I know you've already done so much. It has this distance in it, it's already apologetic in the Ask versus confident, courageous asking sounds like you've already done incredible work with us. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. Here's what your next gift could make possible, and sharing that vision forward. It's not about sounding perfect. It's about sounding certain. If there's one thing you get from today's episode, I actually hope it's that it is not about stringing together the perfect 10 words that result in $100,000 gift or $100,000 raised. It is instead about having that certainty, that confidence, that bravery for forward momentum, to keep going, to keep asking, that is what magnetically attracts more funding. So whether you're writing, calling, emailing, standing in front of a room, doing direct mail pieces, people respond to that energy, to that certain certainty, nervous energy makes them pull back, right? They're they're seeing this. They're seeing that you feel a type of way and that is not drawing them in, confident, courageous energy makes them lean in and take action, makes them feel like they're part of a movement. Makes them feel like, again, their gift is actually creating actual change in the communities they're most aligned with they want to see better.
Christina Edwards 12:58
So one of my clients skipped a follow up because she was worried she would annoy a major donor. And what happens when you skip a follow up? Then you're like, Oh, my God, too much time has passed. Now I really can't follow up, right again? That me brain has an entire story. It is a 300 page book on why the whole thing is done, and you can't follow up because the time that has lapsed from that initial kind of delay into more delays. Makes it even compound, right? And so instead, she realized that she could take action at any time. I coached her on what to say in her pitch, just to make that follow up
Christina Edwards 13:48
a week later, she made the call. A week later, she made the call, and she realized the right time to make the call is right now. I didn't make it last week. I didn't make it last month. I'm gonna make it right now. She didn't die. She didn't get hung up on In fact, they had an amazing phone call that actually seeded a bigger conversation, a bigger partnership between her and this major donor. It was not too late. That was just Debbie Downer, just chattering along, saying the worst case scenario, which actually didn't come true. Okay, another client of mine actually recently secured two different five figure matches for her upcoming campaigns because she stopped listening to that that me brain side of her that was like, I don't know. They've never given that much. I don't know they usually just give once a year. I don't know what will they think. And instead, she thought, what if I try this, what if I just make this call? I have two really compelling reasons to call these donors, right? I have two very strong campaigns that I actually think they would be excited to be a partner in, and that is exactly what happened, that took courage, that took guts, and that is the work worth doing. But if you're thinking, okay, sure, but I don't want to overwhelm people. I don't want to keep doing this at scale, sure, maybe I'll pick up the phone and call some people, but I don't want to send more emails. I don't want to send more text messages. I don't want to do more at scale. Okay, here's the truth, Consistency builds trust, and we are about to get into we're already really in. It the busiest time of year online. So if you want to just like, keep things like cozy and keep your frequency and your messaging just like very normal and status quo, the only thing that will happen is people will see less of your content, they will possibly forget that you exist because their email inbox is getting flooded, right? And they will take less action, okay? So you actually need that bravery. You need that consistency. They need those reminders, right? That is for them, not just for you. So if your communication is clear and rooted in purpose. People actually don't tune out. They lean in. What actually overwhelms donors is inconsistency. Think about that. It's like the boyfriend that calls you or texts you every once in a while, right? Where you're like, I I already forgotten about you, right? I had already moved on. You're like, what's going on here? Right? It's the like fair weather friend that only calls when they need something, right? I would much rather have the consistency, that trust, that connection built
Christina Edwards 16:39
from strong stories and frequent outreach. Okay, they forget you, not because you asked too often, but because you didn't stay present enough. Ask yourself, how can I stay more present? How can I be more top of mind for my donors who already care, they already signed up. They're already here. When you put off the ask, delay the follow up, or avoid that one conversation. You don't don't just lose a single donation. You lose momentum, you lose that ripple effect. You lose the chance to remind someone why their donation, their support, matters.
Christina Edwards 17:30
when leaders tell me I don't have time or I don't know what to say, I know they're in the me brain, because it doesn't take hours, it doesn't take weeks of Practice. It certainly doesn't take the perfect script. Can you imagine if you walked into a retail store and every salesperson said the exact set of words to you? It would be the most boring, starved experience. Like there's no humanity in it, right? It's like when you walk in the store and the person says, Can I help you find anything today? And then you say no, because you've heard those perfect set of words 4 million times, and you're just like, I'll just say no to that, right? Versus the person who strikes up a conversation with you, the person who leans in and genuinely asks you a question or shares a compliment or share something about whatever is happening that day, right? Those are the connection points. So it's not the perfect script. It's not that it takes a lot of time, and in fact, that's the biggest lie that knee brain tells you, right? Because it takes five minutes. It takes five minutes to make a call, it takes five minutes to send an email, it takes five minutes. You can probably leave five messages in five minutes, and it takes a willingness to show up you.
Christina Edwards 19:07
And yes, I know so much about this because I still have the the me brain like it never goes away, right? It still comes out, sometimes, especially between before launches or sort of high stakes conversations, but I've learned just to notice it. I've learned that it's not a problem. I've learned that it's part of the deal and part of just the currency of being an entrepreneur, of running an online business, of running a thriving practice, right? That's it. That's all it is. It's just the me brain, just being a little bit scared. And I remind myself, I know what it's like to feel it's okay. I know what it's like to win. It's great. And I'm here for both of it, like I'm here for all of it. I'm here for the variety of it, right? So you can notice it. You can breathe through it. You can talk to her, you can talk to him, you can talk to that part of you and take action anyway. That's the piece. Peace and take action anyway. Just because that voice comes up and tells you they're gonna hate this, they're gonna think you're bugging them. They're gonna unsubscribe. Doesn't make it true. Doesn't make it true. How many times has your weather app been wrong? And that is based on data and science. My son loves the weather. He loves the weather. He's like, our little meteorologist, and sometimes he'll look at the weather and he's like, it's gonna rain for the next 10 days. And I'm like, No, it's not watch. That thing's wrong. And then we have this joke, which is, half the time we look out the window, it's raining, and what does the app say it's not raining, right? So even the apps get it wrong. So like your me brain is just trying to protect you. They're just trying to keep you safe. And it doesn't mean it's true. Doesn't mean it's true. It's just a guess, right? And I'd rather guess that it's gonna go well than guess that it's not gonna go well. So before you log off today, try this. Every time you catch yourself thinking, I don't want to annoy them. I don't want to say in that. I want you to flip it and say, I want to keep them from being a part of this. I don't want them to miss this. I don't want them to miss this. That tiny mindset shift puts the focus back where it belongs, on their opportunity to do good, not your discomfort about asking not how anything affects you, right? It's for them do that for a week. Pay attention to what changes. You'll start to feel lighter. You'll start to feel greater, clearer, a whole lot braver, and you will see more funding come in because of it. So remember, the fear of being annoying is just your ego, that knee brain trying to protect you. But generosity doesn't happen in silence. It happens because you asked. It happens because you took certain action.
Christina Edwards 22:18
if this resonated with you, I'm teaching a brand new live webinar at the end of the month. Double your donations without chasing grants or galas. I would love to see you there. We will also be opening enrollment for a limited time for the purpose and profit club. This is where you can get full support, 360 degree support on your marketing, your fundraising, your entire year end plan so you can double your funding this year. I'll see you next time you.